Courtney Love: An Update

Ok, I don't know what happened to Courtney Love, but I can only assume an exorcism. Clearly, whatever had eaten her (see post below) has now let her go and her former self has emerged, starving and gross.

Holy crap!!! How the hell did this happen? She has been claiming that it is from yoga and a macrobiotic diet (à la Gwyneth), but COME ON. Considering she is claiming to have also redone her face recently (something about a bird beak nose) I have to assume there was also a whole lot of liposuction involved.

God, she looks really weird.

Grindhouse premiere

Quentin Tarantino is really not a handsome man. And I don't know if he's been delving into plastic surgery or something, but his face is really looking tight, nasty and really waxy. If I didn't already have a crush on Kurt Russel (ever since I saw 'Overboard'), I would now be changing my ways because he looks like an Adonis next to this beast. Ew.

Let's be serious though...can we all agree that QT only gets to stand near women who look like the below because he makes a wonderful film?

Carla Gugino
What a babe! I find her so pretty. And after seeing her partially nude in Sin City, I can say with confidence that she has nice breasts also. That's right, I'm confident enough to say that.

I love her smile. She looks like she'd be happy to bake me a pie. Hopefully not in that tranny make-up and that whorey dress, but still, a pie!

Eva Mendes
Although I really do like her outfit, it's really inappropriate for this event. She looks like she's going to go to the bookstore on a lovely spring morning. Maybe she'll stop at the market and get some flowers..

Am so glad to see her wearing wide-leg denim though. Can we move on from the legging-jeans now? Please?

Jordan Ladd
I don't know who this girl is, but I am going to cut off her head and perch mine atop the bloody stump that remains. Even with the ragged edges and bloody parts I think I would look great. Wow. She has a Barbie-like body.

Marley Shelton
I am too lazy to see if this missy has been in anything aside from 'Sin City', and I don't care, so I'm not sure why I'm writing anything. Ok, I'll admit, it's just so I can be insulting.

The dress is a weird yellow colour that I hate so much that I want to poke out my eyes. And speaking of eyes (what a segue!), what is that eyeliner? She looks like the girl in the discount perfume booth at the ghetto mall down Crack Ave.

PS - she also got those chandelier earrings there

Rose McGowan
There has been much in the news about Rose McGowan's eyes lately...I see why. They are seriously wonked out. She looks like she has Fergi/Meth face. Yikes.

I love that she's embraced her palour though...that's awesome.

Bane List: Mischa Barton

Ok, so with the advent of the Bane List, I thought we could add those classic people that I hate.

2nd addition to the bane list, will be my most hated freckled bitch, Mischa.

Die, die, die. If for nothing, than for this extremely hideous outfit.

What the hell is on that blouse? Did she scalp a muppet? And those earrings.

God, it only intensifies my hatred for her.

I find Courtney Love really frightening

I'm sure you heard the rumour about Bruce Willis and Courtney Love being caught making out like a married couple experiencing their first conjugal visit in 14 years...right?

Um, if this is anything NEAR what she looked like that night, don't you think we should have his head examined?

Also, why is he only hitting on f'd up ho's lately? Speaking of f'd up...what is with her boobs?

Let's play with words!

So, I am currently chatting with my extra-lovely sister through GMail and she told me something so hilarious, I must share.

Her friend, who we will refer to as Geoff, has come up with a new and fresh way to describe camel toe!

Honestly, haven't we all grown tired of that term? It's so overdone that crappy radio shock jocks have done Beach Boy parody songs about it.

I introduce to you, courtesy of Geoff, NINJA BOOT!



Here and here are some related posts on Skankopolis

My Favourite pics: 2nd edition

Need I say more?

Bane List: Star Jones

So, you all have heard of my fabulous friend and hairdresser. She is, to put it lightly, fantastic. And she comes up with some of the most hilarious stuff ever.

The most recent of these is 'Bane List.' The list is never ending, and you can add them at your whim. It's a great way to get rid of frustration. As with most of her more hilarious musings, I am ripping it off for Skankopolis.

I'd like to add Star Jones to the bane list. First of all because she is hideously annoying, but more importantly, for this goddam catsuit she's wearing. CATSUIT?!?! Give me a break.

Do you want to add anyone to the bane list? Share! Share!

Britney out of rehab and looking just fab!

Apparently on top of acting like/thinking she was the anti-Christ, Brit was avoiding the crap she'd been eating before. She lost ~10 lbs and she looks a lot better.

Unfortunately, she has been seen looking better on her way to the hospital to get one of her sugar-rotted teeth pulled out...but still. Looking less puffy, it's nice.

Can I dare to say that she might look elegant?

Although that hat is perched a little high on her head...

Katie Holmes - Little Miss Alien looks good

You know, this outfit is a little old lady, and I'm pretty sure my mother has a similar blouse, but some part of me really likes it.

It's elegant, it's flowy, it's pretty.

I like it.

Yes, yes, I know. I'm diving into old head first. Must go, am going to go get myself a pair of sensible pumps from Aerosoles.

Tito Ortiz & Jenna Jameson: mystery couple

I just don't get it.

I know I've said before that I don't get it, but I really don't. Tito Ortiz has one of the most rigorous training schedules EVER, and he goes out with this basket 'o' germs. Ew.

Earlier this week, Jenna went on MySpace and spoke about her weight loss, blaming it on her terrible divorce. I actually feel kind of bad, but then I don't, because she's really grossly skinny.

Also, does he have glitter in his stubble?

UPDATE: I just read an interview with Tito on 'Socialite's Life' where he says that he and Jenna are doing an MMA work out video for women! How does she have energy to exersize??? Where does she find sports bras?

Kirsten Dunst is disgusting

Why must she terrorize me so? I just wish someone would roll her up into the wrinkly ball that she wants so desperately to be and put her in a space ship. Ship her out I say!

This is her latest love interest. Yes, yes, I'm sure he has a fabulous personality, but he is seriously fug.

Mind you, next to her, he looks like Miss America.

Gross.

Lindsay Lohan - skank extraordinaire

Ok, we've all agreed - She cannot be our goddess, but she can certainly be the SKANK EXTRAORDINAIRE!

Who better? How could I forget that the site is called SKANKopolis! Nothing could be more fitting.

Let's look at her most recent skankiness:Oops! My top is open and I'm not wearing a bra...COME ON!

The cover of GQ: She looks nasty...like she'd give you something itchy...
not that she isn't hot, but just...itchy.

Oh my.
Did she forget she didn't have a skirt on?
And what's with that jaunty hand-on-hip position?
Does anyone else find the cigarette hanging out of the
mouth to be the classiest part of the photo?

Click on it for NSFW version.

[Pic source: Egotastic]

Tom & Katie - A picture says a thousands words...

I still think that Katie was cornered into this arrangement, but something about this photo skews my perception.

They both look so stupid in this picture, like a couple of 11 year-olds who think that they're in a relationship.

Oy.

The most recent rumour about Tom is that he's been calling the Beckhams (apparently 18 times in one hour) and harassing them about joining Scientology. Gross.

The one shining point of the story is the fact that they hate it and are pissed that he's doing this.

I love the Beckhams.

Nicole Richie is in bad shape

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm getting pretty f-ing tired of hearing about Nicole Richie being thin, being sick, or being with Joel Madden. I'm tired of all of the above.

The latest news story is that she passed out on the set of 'The Simple Life' and the latest reason is that she's hypoglycemic. Mm hmm. Is anyone else having trouble believing that?

I have learned, in my short time on this planet, that if you don't eat anything, ever, you'll have some health problems. Also, excessive drug use can cause some trouble too. Especially when you're popping pills like Tic-Tacs. Ew. Who eats Tic-Tacs?

Oh, and PS - I hate her pee yellow hair, those bangs and weird foundation coloured lips.

Jessica Biel & Ryan Reynolds seen together

Oooh. Wouldn't this union make hot babies? Who could totally kick your baby's ass!?

Maybe they're just friends, after filming 'Blade 3' together, but maybe they're lovers.

I prefer the lovers thing, because that means that he's no longer dipping his pen in Alanis Morrissette's angst-y ink.

Salma Hayek is preggo!

We don't have to guess about this one. She's announced that she's preggo and engaged to her longtime secret boyfriend. I wonder if Penelope Cruz is jealous...

I don't mean to be crude, but imagine what her curviness is going to go to when she's with child??? Already her boobs are in their own zip code, wow.

She looks pretty pregnant though...although I don't remember pregnancy meaning you can't brush your hair...

Congratulations Salma!

Sad news of the day: Johhny Depp's daughter sick

Johnny Depp rushed his daughter to a hospital in England earlier this week. Initially, reports were very secretive about what was actually wrong with Lily Rose, but now it has come out. She scraped herself on a rusty piece of metal (possibly a nail) and her blood is toxic. This is affecting her vital organs.

She is doing well, but is not out of the danger zone. Her father has not left her side once during the ordeal.

Now. I love me some Johnny Depp, but I have to say, this is the kind of crap that happens when you insist on living in the French country-side somewhere, like it's the 1800's or something. If you lived in a city, like a normal person, you would just get sick from 2nd hand smoke, gastro or STD's.

Poor little girl though. Very sad.

Hilary Duff - how I hate thee

For one, I hate her because she's so bitter that Nicole Richie is boning (pun intended) her ex-boyfriend. I mean, it's ok to be bitter in your own little world, but don't write songs about it! That's just cheesy!

I also hate her because she wore these pants. I don't care what excuse comes out of her for these, having a brain should prevent ANYONE from wearing this. I mean, they're gold lame, JACQUARD leggings!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! This hurts my fashion sense.

Kate Beckinsale's Bum

You know what? I don't even mind that she's flashing her crack here. It's kind of cute.

She is still heads and shoulders (not the dandruff shampoo) above Lilo in awesomeness lately.

We all voted unanimously, Kate Beckinsale is our new Lord.

Long live the queen!!!

Say it with me: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmm Beckinsale!

John Mayer & Jessica Simpson

I am blown away by the height difference in this photo.

I mean, you can see that she's wearing FM boots, that I'm sure are at least 4" high...why does she look so tiny? Is she really that short? Is he really that tall? Is that his hair, or did he borrow a wig from the Jim Henson collection?

Seriously, they're gross.

[Thanks to Popsugar for the pic]

Kirsten Dunst makes me puke

This fuggo has been seen frolicking around the beach this past week in this, and another bikini. She by no means has a terrible body, but it's certainly not mind blowing-ly good. I just find her so disgusting.

Seriously. I haven't had breakfast yet and I'm a little nervous this will ruin my appetite for the day.

I mean, what is with those sunglasses? And who wears a plaid shirt to the beach? She's just so off.

Fergie's Wedgie (slow news week)

I used to LOVE this woman. I thought she was the second coming of god. I think that I was looking at everything but her face (hence her nickname, Butterface)...

I don't have a whole lot to say about this pic, except that I maintain everything except her face is quite fabu.

I think that would annoy me though, if someone was jamming my bathing suit up my crack...

Buffy is preggo?

You know what? She's probably just had some chips 'n' salsa or something...she's not looking so preggo. Just relaxed.

Frig people make a big deal about things.

Me included. Of course.

Mind you, that's pretty relaxed...

What do you think?

Blonde!?! NAY!

Haven't we done this before? Haven't we already vehemently expressed how much we absolutely hated her as a blonde? I hope it's for the movie, because if not, she's in trouble.



She's looking mega-thin lately too...check out some of these personal pics from her digital...stolen by some site. Skelator arms!


(Holy giant pupils Batman!)

Yuck!

The Oscars - the best awards show of the year

As always, I'm really sorry this is so late. I have had it half-done for a while but just haven't been able to find the time. I am so sorry!

I didn't really watch it...just the song with Jack Black and Will Ferrell (classic awesome) and the end, because I couldn't fall asleep...is it just me, or is Jack Nicholson looking more and more like a pumpkin?

Anyhoo, let's get to it...

Thank you so much to Egotastic for the wonderful pics, as usual!

Commence mocking 'n' talking:

Anne Hathaway:
I'm a little upset with the site MyHeritage.com because when I did a celebrity recognition scan, it told me that I looked like Anne Hathaway, and I thought that was mean. I mean, my mouth is not that big, or my eyes, nor would I ever wear this disaster of a dress. Ew. Really insulted.

Beyonce:
I chose this picture because I wanted to illustrate how much she was struggling with this gown all night, making it the worst dress of the night. She obviously wasn't comfortable with it and that means she shouldn't have worn it. Period.

I have to say, I was getting a little annoyed at the fact that I almost saw her vee gee every time the camera panned across the front row. Also, she loaned some of the beading to Katie Holmes for her hair-do, so it's extra dumb just for the association to Scientology.

Cameron Diaz:
As much as I don't want to say it, she looks good. Boo! Her feet look like boats though. Hee hee. A welcome improvement to her dress from the Globes. That was a toilet paper massacre.




Cate Blanchett:
I think this woman should get an award for being most consistently gorgeous. Wow. Love her.

Elizabeth Shue:
Not to be an asshole, but who invited her? When was the last time she even made a movie?

I hope she's UN invited next year for this atrocious dress she's wearing. A shift? A SHORT shift? Gahh!!

Emily Blunt & Michael Buble:
I hope she knows that he cheats on her ass. A lot. Was he always so round?

Love her dress though. Lovely. Great colour, great lines. Very nice.

Gwyneth Paltrow:
Oh Gwyneth, how I hate thee. Also, how I hate your wretched dress. Gross. That is really not doing anything for her. God, that smarmy smile. I want to wipe that pompous smirk off her haughty face. Frosty bitch.

Isla Fischer & Sacha Baron Cohen:
I love them as a couple. I would invite them over for fondue with my hubby-to-be and I. It would be all laughs. Wow. I am sad.

I love that colour on her, and that bustline! Is she preggo? My goodness!

Jada Pinkett, Will Smith and the cute little one:
What a cute family. The kid's hair was a bit much, but how cute were Will & Jada when he was presenting with 'Bo' and flubbed his lines a bit? They were such parents. I'm surprised they didn't have camcorders with them.

Jennifer Hudson:
I think very highly of Andre Leon Tally, I think he is something else and, if nothing, a name to be reckoned with in fashion. I am a little disappointed to learn that it was at his insistence that JH wore this vile metallic python bolero. Gah. Congrats to her though. I haven't seen the movie, but I will now.

Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony:
Aww, how nice! Dracula and his bride made it to the Oscar's! I wish they hadn't. She looks gross and he, as usual, looks like he might die any minute. Is he constantly auditioning for the stage version of 'Philadelphia' or something? Get the man a Whopper for Christ's sakes.

Jessica Biel:
Wow. She continues to blow me away this year. I declare this the year of Jessica Biel. Go girl!

Joy Bryant:
So Joy, you're too fancy for a bra? I think I'd reconsider that next year. Although we all know that nipples are the new black, I still think that you look whorey.

Kate Winslet:
I'm surprised by this pick. I normally love her dresses, but this mint green is really puke-a-tronic. Mind you, good thinking standing next to Celine Dion! She is so goddam ugly! Aww, it really annoys me that she's from my province. It's so embarrassing.

Kelly Preston & John Travolta:
TRAMPY. That's all.

Kerry Washington:
In theory, this was probably a nice dress...then I'm sure that train/cape was slapped on it and now it's just a joke on ms. Washington. Ew. Me no likey.

Kirsten Dunst:
Where do I start? Ok, top-down because there's a sequence at least. Although, I can't promise I won't black out from rage and just start typing in tongues.

The hair is terrible. It's so "oh crap I forgot to set the alarm and I should be at work in 14 minutes." What is that? A bun? The collar is so hideous that I don't even know what to say. Sheer? Shirt collar? Beaded?

The body makes me want to vomit and as I scroll down the nausea slaps me so hard in the face that I don't know if I can hold it in. Then I get to the feathers. I want to take them, and jam the pointy, picky parts of them into her brain so that she can never offend us like this again.

I hate her. She is HORRIBLE.

Maggie Gyllenhall & Peter Sarsgard:
I just watched 'Stranger Than Fiction' so I get why people like her now...although she could have used a more supportive bra in that movie. Hiyah! I think they're cute in a young-Hollywood, we're quirky kind of way. And I just enjoy saying his name. Makes me feel piratey.


Nicole Kidman & Naomi Watts:
This picture kind of makes me laugh because I feel like giant Nicole is going to eat Naomi. Maybe she's put so much toxic crap into her face and tightened it up so much that she wants to suck some natural beauty out of Naomi...wouldn't be surprised. She was, after all, married to Tom Cruise for just short of a decade.

Oh yah, their dresses: I don't care for that bumble-bee gown. At all. And that red column is BORING.

Penelope Cruz:
It looks like her dress is that garbage monster from 'Fraggle Rock'. It's totally going to eat us! It's a beautiful piece of workmanship though, but whatever. I'm over it. Especially in that drab colour.

Portia De Rossi:
She's so perty...I love that she went simple to cheer on her lady. Cute. Still too thin, but acceptable now. God, just seeing her makes me want to eat chips.

Rachel Weisz:
She's so lovely. And goodness is she voluptuous! That's a very nice, classic gown, and I think she pulls it off well. she didn't go gimmick-y, she just wore it and looked beautiful. Very nicely done.

Reese Witherspoon:
I can confidently say that this was the absolute, number one, best dress of the night. The dip-dye, the movement. God. I was watching it in bed when she walked across the stage to present the Oscar and I went "OH MY GOD" loud enough that it made my hubby-to-be stir. Incredible.

My apologies for being so late. Please know that I never meant for this :(