Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Even the lord, who has had quite the eventful couple of weeks (fight with mommy, wrist breakage, heart breakage, etc) hasn't been turning me on. What do I do friends? What do I do?
Oh here. Let's make fun of these hideous boots!
You know I love her, but those things must go. They probably cost more than my car. Sigh.
Can someone please tell Tara Reid that she should take a very extended vacation to Afghanistan or something and disappear before she tanks her career even more?
She apparently switched out her implants for some that were a bit smaller, but she still looks like an inflatable pool toy to me.
Oh god. The weave. It's so ghetto. It's just so, so ghetto.
Give her my phone number. Seriously. I don't care anymore, I'll stoop.
I'm sure you've seen this, but oh my god, how could I not?
Is this horrible or what? Does it have to be so goddam blonde?
And considering how much money she has, how has she not whitened her teeth ever?
What's this I hear about her and Guy adopting some African twins? That is so 2 years ago.
I really wish that people would stop calling this bag-o-bones a style icon. Yes, she has a unique style, I'll give her that. But she also has a stylist and a tall, stick-thin body.
I do not consider this Laura Ingalls blouse/dress and these wrecked up Keds stylish.
PS - my sister used to do my hair like that when I was in grade 2. I looked awesome.
...that MY thighs were really pale, Marcia cross wore a wrap dress.
She's pregnant with twins! I don't know who her hubby is, but she's hot, so those will be some hot babies.
Wow, though. Those are some pasty, white thighs. It makes me want to bake.
She always looks like a drug-addicted surfer girl from Hawaii.
She's wretched. And a dog kisses better than her. Ha ha, how embarrassing. What a loser.
She actually makes me nauseous.
So my brilliant hairdresser/friend has decided that I can't add Keira Knightly to the AXIS OF EVIL yet, because she might actually like her. Yes, I'm disappointed, but it's her creation and I can't bogart it just because I have a blog.
She has, however, allowed me to add Mischa Barton to the list. Which is great and one of the many reason I love her.
I am now making another official request: CAN I PLEASE ADD KIRSTEN DUNST??
Now, brilliant hairdresser/friend, don't tell me no because you liked Suicide Girls. EVERYONE liked suicide girls, it's impossible not to. It's fabulously depressing and girly. Think outside the box...
Check here, here and here
Hope that helps.
Oh yah, there WAS a reason for this post. Check out her pumping gas and wearing SUSPENDERS. Yes, I know, it was hot on the runways. But when I saw it on the runways, it wasn't with sweatpants.
Oh god I hope she dies.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Here are potential reasons why you do not have a boyfriend:
1) You leave the house with your face and hair looking like this
2) You have out with your pervy dad, A LOT
3) This outfit. What in the name of god told you that these boots went with this top and hat? Fuck me.
Lord knows I love Victoria Beckham. She was my favourite Spice, she is my favourite footballer's wife...but bitch needs to throw on some slacks! It's bad enough her spindly little legs are clanging around in those boots, but we have to see them poking out from under that sweater "dress" she's wearing too?
Woah. I vote for pants!
Last weekend, at fashion week in London, she was spotted wearing these gross-ass high-waisted, bell-bottomed jeans. The colour reminds me of my grandfather's (may he RIP) favourite pair of powder blue jeans. In fact, with some adjustment to the waist region, they could be the same pants.
I don't like them. As an assistant buyer for denim, these jeans scare the bejeesus out of me.
PS - I like to think that my grandfather single-handedly brought back New Balance running shoes also. He was rocking that shit (velcro-style) waaaay before they got cool again. It runs in the family, you see.
Someone needs to help her, because she is really pretty. Bitch really needs to be strapped to a bed and fed.
Gah, that is super gross.
In hilarious news, he said that the best kiss he ever had was from his dog. HIS DOG! He even went on to describe it:
"Best kiss I ever had? That's an easy one. The best kiss I ever got was from my little guy. His name is Buckley, he's a boxer and he's hilarious. When he kisses you it's like a shower over your face."
Ha ha, you disgusting man/woman! Your boyfriend prefers to kiss the dog!
Um, I have an idea. You're a celebrity. Call the company. Duh.
She doesn't look that great here. Maybe a bit too thin. Her head looks really vertical. The dress doesn't help. It looks like a napkin ring.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Britney Spears had another baby! Yes, I'm late on this too. Give me a break!
A little bit lighter (just over 6lbs), hopefully thanks to her nacho-free pregnancy, their 2nd son was born just 2 days before little Sean Preston's 1st birthday. Which is today. I think. Do you really care? It's not like you're sending him presents...
Reports today said that their 2nd son will also have the initials SP (Sutton Pierce), but this is contrasting to previous reports where they were saying she was naming the baby Jailyn in homage to her parents, Jamie & Lynn.
Or maybe she realized that Jailyn was a stupid name.
How cute is this picture of SPF version 1 looking out the hospital room window? He's like a doll.
You know, for someone I used to put quite high on a beauty pedestal, Jessica Simpson is really not doing it for me anymore.
What is with her lately?
I don't really like the bob, although I'm happy that she's showing all her natural hair. I hate the footwear choices and I can't say anything nice about that wretched purple dress. Holy moly.
Please Jess. Grow your hair and be cute again. I don't like this Jessica.
And, I know this will hurt her feelings, but I'm taking her off goddess watch.
Those are some boobs! Do we think they're real? I'm not so sure. They seem a little well-maintained...although, so does she. Gahh. I don't want to age!
Also, I would like really big boobs.
Cross your fingers for me!
Let's take a look:
As many of you know, I love Nelly. She is awesome. You know what is not so awesome? Really heavy fringe. I tried to be all English and say 'fringe' instead of bangs. What do you think? I know. I feel like an idiot. Seriously. Someone get her some hair-growth pills. Those bangs must go.
Dress is hot though. Love it.
Denise Richards & Richie Sambora
You know, I think this is the first time I have EVER found Denise Richards pretty? Richie on the other hand, mmmmm. No one can sing a harmony quite like him. Bed of Roses? Wow! God, I am so lame. He totally looks like a woman though. In fact, he looks a lot like Heather Locklear! They were totally following the same beauty regimen.
Apparently they got engaged right before this. I don't see a ring. Do you?
I lurrrrrrrrrve her. LOVE. Look how simply hot she is. Opaque tights are so hot right now. Hansel. So hot right now. Hansel. Ha ha. I have to watch that movie (Zoolander) again soon. If you haven't seen it, please do.
Rosalyn Sanchez & Some blonde girl I recognize but can't place
I find RS so hot. In Rush Hour 2 she was super hot. If I could add someone to my fiancé's (that really does sound odd, can I rush ahead to husband?) list, it would be her.
She's looked better. I still wish she'd go back to the brunette. She was always that girl who wasn't blonde in a sea of blondes. Now she just blahs in with the rest of them/us. It's a good dress though...although it is slightly shapeless and reminds me of a credit card for some reason.
Zack Braff & Rachel Bilson
Oh my fuck, she's cute. Seriously. I love him. I think they would be a cute couple. Not that I don't love Adam Brody. Seth rocks my world. Or did in the first season. God. Why do I keep admitting that I watched the OC?!
Still, they'd make a cute couple.
Christina and Elton
Hey! It just occured to me. What happened to that red hair? I miss the change. Her hair is also alarmingly big here. Elton is the best. I now want wing appliqués on all my clothing.
Fergie & Elton (!)
Good god she is lucky. Wow! Elton John biatch! I hope she realizes what an honour that was.
I don't think she does, or she would not have worn that see-through nightmare on the red carpet. Who wears that? Gahhh.
Pit stains? Seriously? Also, what's with the sunken eyes and fucked up look? Not hot.
PS - I totally sweat a lot too, it's one of my greatest embarrassments. But I WOULDN'T if I could afford, like Mischa can, Botox injections in my sweat glands.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I don't think appearing near-nude on every publication across the continent for the past 2 months will sell any more albums. I think it will annoy people, as it has me.
Don't you agree?
Cause I don't.
Kate & Orlando broke up last week.
Everyone has made the skeleton/woman love affair jokes already. I have nothing interesting to add to that. Unfortunately.
Please don't be disappointed in me. I just don't care enough to stir up my creative juices.
Look Penny, I was nice to you, because I felt bad that you got caught in the Tom Cruise whirlwind and that is really a pitiable thing.
I do not care for you being near my man though. Back the fuck off, or I'll be forced to break some of your shit.
Yes, I know, I know. You broke up because you never saw each other. It better have just been a "here's your blender and 3 pairs of socks" kind of meeting, because if not, woman, you're asking for a world of pain.
Wooo. Thank god I got that psycho out of my system.
Oh my god, he's hot.
I love him. I love his Royale with Cheese, I love his dancing, I love FACE/OFF, for god's sake, and that is a TERRIBLE movie. But I really think 'Flying Star' is him.
Read it. What do you think?
PS - the pic is from his broadway production of 'Hairspray.' Isn't he hot?
I love that this movie got boo'd at Cannes. I hope that it makes $18 dollars at the box office. Nothing against Sofia Coppola (except her bad acting in GF3), but Kiki must die.
Another candidate for the AXIS OF EVIL!!!
Secondly, thank you to Beyonce. No, I take that back. No thanks to Beyonce. I don't know what is going on with her skirt, only that it should not be happening. Ever. It's not just that the skirt is yellow, it's that it's STUFFED so that it appears more like bananas. Someone please tell me there was a theme.
What is wrong with all the divas this week? (See below)
I disagree vehemently. Since when is this ok?
Oh my god, the horror. I think the worst thing about this is the fact that the necklace is clinging for dear life to the nape of her neck because it knows that it's going to be swallowed up by the mass that is her ta-ta's.
Oh. La. La.